Reason #456 I’m Better Than You. WAY Better Than You.

“Hey dad? Are you done pooping yet?”
This was Losiah’s question as I am in the last stall in the restroom and he apparently was all done in the stall next to mine.
“Hey bro. Relax with the poop verbiage man. I’m almost done.” I responded.
“OK Daddy.”
Thank God we were the only people in the restroom.
“Daddy? Are you almost done? Why is it taking so long?”
This time his tiny little head pops in under my stall.
“Seriously dude. Let dad finish! I’m almost done. I’ve cooked up something big ok?”
At this moment I hear the faucet turn on in the restroom and know that there has been someone else in there the entire time.
I hear Losiah’s feet shuffle over to the sink.
“Hey buddy. You doing ok?” the strange man asks my son.
At this point I’ve got to pinch it short cause I don’t want this strange man kidnapping my son.
“Yes sir. My daddy is taking a looooooooong time pooping but he’s almost done” Losiah replied to the stranger.
I exit the stall just in time to see the man pull out his iPhone.
“Hey Carlos! I recognized your son from Instagram when I walked in here and was wondering if I could get a picture with you 2?”
“Um. I mean. Sure.”
Click. Snap. Get this over please…
We walked out of the restroom and down the hall.
“Daddy. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.” Losiah said.
“Oh. It’s ok buddy. Let’s just not talk about daddy pooping when we are in public”
Then I felt him reach around and pull something from my back.
Oh. It was just an about 3 foot long tail of toilet paper dragging behind me.
“At least there’s no poop on it daddy!”

Dang skippy son.
At least there’s no poop on it.
Oh. My. Life.
Los