Reason #456 I’m Better Than You. WAY Better Than You.

“Hey dad? Are you done pooping yet?”
This was Losiah’s question as I am in the last stall in the restroom and he apparently was all done in the stall next to mine.
“Hey bro. Relax with the poop verbiage man. I’m almost done.” I responded.
“OK Daddy.”
Thank God we were the only people in the restroom.
“Daddy? Are you almost done? Why is it taking so long?”
This time his tiny little head pops in under my stall.
“Seriously dude. Let dad finish! I’m almost done. I’ve cooked up something big ok?”
At this moment I hear the faucet turn on in the restroom and know that there has been someone else in there the entire time.
I hear Losiah’s feet shuffle over to the sink.
“Hey buddy. You doing ok?” the strange man asks my son.
At this point I’ve got to pinch it short cause I don’t want this strange man kidnapping my son.
“Yes sir. My daddy is taking a looooooooong time pooping but he’s almost done” Losiah replied to the stranger.
I exit the stall just in time to see the man pull out his iPhone.
“Hey Carlos! I recognized your son from Instagram when I walked in here and was wondering if I could get a picture with you 2?”
“Um. I mean. Sure.”
Click. Snap. Get this over please…
We walked out of the restroom and down the hall.
“Daddy. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.” Losiah said.
“Oh. It’s ok buddy. Let’s just not talk about daddy pooping when we are in public”
Then I felt him reach around and pull something from my back.
Oh. It was just an about 3 foot long tail of toilet paper dragging behind me.
“At least there’s no poop on it daddy!”

Dang skippy son.
At least there’s no poop on it.
Oh. My. Life.


Author loswhit

More posts by loswhit
  • Felicia Berry

    I LOVE THIS!!!! And because my kids have now learned to read…they are walking around laughing and saying “Hey dad, are you done pooping yet?” Thanks for lightening the mood in our home today! I really do love your blog and that you are REAL!!! Be blessed today!

  • pamelahunter


  • Janis Meredith

    lol…at least you didn’t exit a portable potty with toilet paper hanging down the back and walk away from your husband’s softball game that he was coaching (high school girls) and then get a call on your cell phone because one of the girls said, “Coach, your wife has some toilet paper hanging from your butt!” The. Most. Embarrassing. Moment. Of. My. Life.

  • R W

    You made me laugh and cry today! This made me laugh out loud, and the video you posted about Zach….I watched it this morning and was crying.

  • At least you don’t wear skirts….I once walked through an airport waiting area with my skirt tucked all the way up in my panty hose.

  • Pingback: Reason #456 I’m Better Than You. WAY Better Than You. | Pastor Leaders()

  • hahaha, good lookin out losiah! that’s awesome

  • About a month ago I was at Wal*Mart with my sons. Eli has autism and has no filter for a lot of the things he says and does. At school he had been learning the parts of the body.

    I’m standing in the electronics department and Eli’s touching body parts and naming them. He would touch my face and say “face.” He would touch my elbow and say “elbow.”

    Then, as multiple people stood around us, he grabbed my junk and said very loudly, “PENIS!”

  • Jesse Hoover

    Love this. I have lost all privacy when it comes to the bathroom with my kids too, however, none quite embarrassing as your experience. Your loss my entertainment.

  • Chris Groat

    Was that worse than talking to the dude on his phone in the stall?

  • Linda

    church with a five inch tear on the pocket of my levis and did not wear leggings or underwear that day…do not feel better having posted that on your blog either…maybe feeling humble though…oy vey, you have been preaching some powerful words

  • supervita_wdesi

    Recently I was extremely low on cash and debts were eating me from all sides! That was UNTIL I decided to make money on the internet. I went to surveymoneymaker dot net, and started filling in surveys for cash, and surely I’ve been far more able to pay my bills! I’m so glad, I did this.. – d837