The First Moment Your Adopted Son Wonders Out Loud…About His Other Mother…On Mother’s Day

I’m no idiot.
I knew the day was coming.
I guess I just didn’t know how my heart would react when it came.

We have been VERY intentional since Losiah was a baby to keep his adoption alive and well in our home.
He has a picture book of his foster family.
We talk about our return visit to Korea all the time.
I think we have a pretty healthy relationship with that part of our story.
But he also rarely talks about his birth mom.
He will talk about his foster mom all the time.
She raised him from 1 month old till 6 months old when these Mexicans came and infiltrated his life.
That is until last Sunday. Mother’s Day.

We had an amazing day and as it was drawing to the end one of his sisters did something to set him off.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
Tears were had. Apologies were made.
He crawled into my bed about 75% done with his tears.
“You ok buddy?” I asked him.
Sniff Sniff. “Not really daddy.”
Heather chimed in…
“What is it buddy?”
And then the tears sprang forth from his eyeballs like Mentos in a 2 liter Pepsi Bottle.
“Seaweed!” he cried.
“Seaweed! What if she doesn’t know I like Seaweed??!!!”
I replied…”Who buddy?”
“You know daddy. What if she doesn’t know I like seaweed? Do you think she likes seaweed???!!!”

You see Losiah LOVES seaweed. He eats the little squares like we eat chips. It’s in his DNA.
It is so uniquely him and so NOT uniquely us.
And in this moment…
He wondered is his birth mother liked what he liked.
And more accurately…He wondered if she was thinking about him…at that moment.

Heather chimed in.
“You know what son? I promise you. She is thinking about you right now. And not only today, but she thinks about you everyday. And we think about her too. So it’s ok to wonder, cry, laugh, and anything else you ever want to do. We love that you wonder that cause we wonder that too.”

That was it. No magic words.
Just an acknowledgment of his wonder and his pain.

And with that he stopped crying, I tucked him in bed, I walked to the kitchen, I grabbed a piece of seaweed, I put it in my mouth, I almost vomited, I spit it out, and I reminded myself of the gift he is to our family. From one soul in Seoul to our soul here.


Author loswhit

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  • Michelle

    I hope I handle that moment with my daughter as beautifully.

  • Coty-Lynn Kahealani Blevins-Ka

    Beautiful, raw moment. Brought me to tears. Thank you for keeping it real and being who God has called you all to be.

  • Darlene Taylor

    Can I just tell you that not only is he a gift to you, but you are a gift to him. I was adopted by my grandparents, my bio dad is Filipino. I looked different, acted different, thought differently. I never understood why. Last week one of my Filipino half sisters reached out to me. It has been an amazing journey. I can’t yet describe it. It’s overwhelming, actually.

  • Mary Anne

    🙂 Don’t be surprised if one day he is really angry with her too…my 14 year old Korean adoptee and his 12 year old Korean adoptee sister have moments when they miss her, wonder, question and are even angry with her…keep God in it, and it will be good.

  • Dude. Thank you for this picture.

  • Jeremy von Kesselburg

    Tears. I am not looking forward to that moment with our daughter. Tough situation – well handled.

  • Skegeeaces

    Tears! 🙂

  • Loran Lichty

    I feel the same way on birthdays, graduations, and wedding day. Heather gave some good words to Losia. Thanks for sharing. You guys are doing a great job.

  • Thank you. As a parent about to bring home my daughter from Haiti, I need to hear words like that. Kudos Heather, for having just the right words!

  • Stacy Littlejohn

    Oh my gosh I just cried cried cried and then laughed so hard at your final seaweed remarks. That was an emotional 2 minute read! Love this.

  • My little man is only 2 right now. But I know there will be both serious and light conversations to be had about his birth mom too. Thanks for letting us see this glimpse. And for breaking ten tension with “I almost vomited”!

  • Thank you for sharing this amazing story!

  • Indescribably beautiful.

  • Juli

    we buy a rose bush every mothers day for our boys birth mom. they love picking out the color every year and now we have a beautiful garden all for their mom. he may like having something tangible of her. you are doing a great job ~ i love following your journey

  • Jennifer O

    I gave my daughter up for adoption. I was 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when I had her (in a group home) and gave her up. She was 15 when she found me and 16 when her parents brought her to meet me. They, like you, didn’t hide anything, they were honest with her, they recognized me on Mothers day with a rose at church all those years (I didn’t know). When we met, her Mother and I hugged for a very long time (first). The love I have for them is indescribable and little did I know they felt the same about me. They just welcomed me into their family and it was like it was always that way. Now fast forward 11 years and her parents are coming without her to visit me in July, she is coming in November. We’ve all established our relationships with each other and it’s all beautiful. I made the right choice. I could not have been a good parent to her but they were and are the most amazing parents. I know, that you are as well. From a birth mother to an adoptive mother and father – God bless you and much love to you always <3

    • Greg Colby

      I’m a grown up man, but I’m sitting crying like a fool. Bless you mam, and bless you Los for being so open and honest and caring for Josiah.

      • Jennifer O

        “Hug” many blessings to you.

  • amy

    Thanks for making me cry this morning! I too am adopted and didn’t look like my birth family physically. They are all 5 foot tall and I’m 5″ 8′ tall. Not a huge deal but or family photos sometimes look ridiculous. I often wonder still to this day if my birth mom remembers me our wonders what I look like. I wonder if she is tall like me. But it doesn’t mean I love my birth parents less. Y’all are doing great with losiah. You’re awesome parents.

  • Bryan Lopez

    Tears bro. Tears… I play over this what this conversation will look like over and over again, for the triplets or twins we’ve adopted and I’m still not sure what exactly I’ll say… We embrace their adoptions, we talk about them often but yet haven’t had them bring anything up yet, so we wait… thanks for sharing this bro. B

  • So simple, yet utterly profound… “Just an acknowledgement of his wonder and his pain.” I wish that more of us would do that for others. Instead of trying to fill the air with ‘noise’ about how you should handle this or that, what if we just acknowledged the wonder and the pain. I wonder if we would be presented with more opportunities to share that ‘profound thought’ once we earned the right to share it.

  • That was beautiful and sweet. And he adorable!

  • Linda

    Thank you for sharing. Losiah apparently hit the Parent Lottery.