Do you like the taste of the pepperoni pizza right after it has hit your mouth? Do you like the coolness of the shrimp and cocktail sauce hitting your taste-buds with the forcefulness of the horseradish? Do you like your double double animal style before your fries or after? Do you like your Wendy’s fries dipped in their 99 cent Frosty? How about your Chic-fil-a breakfast mini’s covered with honey? I’m sure all these things would taste great IF I COULD TASTE ANYTHING!!!!
You remember when you were a kid and your mom would come at your grill with the cough medicine swishing from side to side in that tablespoon that looked bigger than a measuring cup? You would assume the position of taking your right hand and pinching both nostrils so the taste of the generic jack daniels would not burn your mouth and cause you to vomit? Remember how it worked? Yea? Well It is working marvels for me. Since I can only breathe through my pie hole and not my stuffed up nose I can’t taste a thing. Not a thing.
Tonight. I take my biscuit heads to the mall. Mommy is out at a party and daddy is going to take his girls on a date. We hit the Disney store. We hit the Ambercrombie. (I won’t even try to spell check that one) We hit up the pipe tobacco store. We hit up C28. We bump into the Shrader’s. Arghhh! After about an hour of mall walking I bring out the good old calm everything down because the kids are starting to fall apart phrase…”Who wants to eat some French Fries?!?!?!” “I did!!! I did!!!”, Sohaila screams. She can’t quite figure out the difference between do and did yet.
So daddy the fry hero scoops up his little girls and bounces over to Mickee Dee’s. I LOVE McDonalds Fries. But not more than McDonald’s Coke. Together they are a lethal combination. I get my biscuits their good old Happy Meals that only daddy ever buys. I get my large fry and large coke. Did I mention half the reason the Coke is so good is because the straws are really wide. So you get a nice big mouthful of Coke. MMMMMMmmmmm.
I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. I don’t think I have been more ready for anything my whole life than I was ready for those fries and that Coke…
“What? Wait? Whats going on? Why can’t I taste anything? Help!!! Help me please!!! Somebody!!!” My subconscious was screaming. I literally could not taste a thing. It felt like you feel when it’s 1 am and your playing some PS2 with The Pitts and you remember that one last serving on Sugar Puffs in the cabinet. You hit pause. Walk to the kitchen. Grab a BIG bowl. Pour the box until nothing but those little brown flakes and crumbs are floating out. The box is empty now. But your bowl is full. You walk to the fridge just smilin. Open that bad boy up and then panic sets in. Maybe behind the OJ. No. Maybe behind the watermelon. NO!!! But here is why what happened tonight sucks more. You see if and when that happens with my Sugar Puffs, I hit up the faucet and the ice maker. Close your eyes and its all the same.
Tonight there was no faucet. No need. My taste is gone. My fries are filling me up but they could be green beans for all I knew. My heart was broken. One by one the fries filled me up. The Coke as well. My stomach is now bigger. My heart is now more corroded. And for what? Nothing. nothing. nada.
Did I just type for 15 minutes about my taste deficiency? Man. This blogging thing is doing more to me than I thought. The way my week is going tomorrow my hair growing nerve things on my head will stop growing hair. Oh wait. Suck. Those are already broken.