Heather kinda went out of town on Monday.
She kinda told me to behave while she was gone.
I kinda did.
All I did was kinda buy a car.
This is what came next…
Heather gets home from hanging out with Moi and Lori Lynn for a few days and the plan was all set up.
She would come home.
I would come home and lay out my well thought out presentation.
I would take her outside.
She would complain about the color.
Then she would thank me for figuring it all out.
Problem #1. Heather calls me and tells me she is locked out of the house. She needs me to come home. If I show up in the new car while she is stranded in the driveway after driving 6 hours in the car with 3 children under 5, well, you figure it out. Not going to happen.
We will just stop at problem number one. How the crap am I going to get Heather inside the house and a glass of merlot down her pipes to calm her down? So I called Rob and he rescued me. We met by my house and switched cars. I could somehow explain away borrowing Rob’s car.
Pulled in the driveway. Got attacked by my kids. Attacked my wife. Got them inside. Heather started dinner. I got to unpacking. Called Rob. “It’s a go. Make the switch.” Got a text message from Rob. “It is finished”. Gathered the children for dinner. Heard a knock on the door. OH CRAP. HEATHER better not answer the door. So I ran to the door. It is Crista. She lives 2 doors down. I had about a nano second before…”Oh My God!!! So when’d you get the NEW CAR?!?!” I gave her the evil eye and whispered loudly…”SHHH. She doesn’t know yet!!!”
I know Heather needs solid numbers before she feels “safe”. So I gave them to her. Our Suburban was on it’s last leg of it’s 100 feet a gallon life.
We sat down for dinner and I pulled out the Mac Book. Then she watched this while I narrated.
Ladies. If you ever to sit down to dinner and your husband pulls out the laptop for a Keynote presentation…Be scared.
I took her outside. She smiled and said…”Is it orange?” I told her no. It is red and the orange must be reflecting the brown stucco off the house with the lights. I prayed our car seats would fit. They did.
She drove around the block and pulled back in. She was smiling.
That was close.
Hey that rhymed.