EtMy eyes are big. In 3rd grade Chandra Bishop used to refer to me as E.T. I thought Chandra was hot. Well maybe not hot. I don’t quite know the term used back then. More like “bitchin’” probably. No. Not bitchin’. I was in third grade for the love. Whatever. So somehow I convinced myself that this was a compliment. I used to walk by Chandra’s desk and say…”Eeeeelioooottt!”, and she would giggle and whisper something to Mary Helen who would giggle back. Then one day Matt Breedlove told me that she was making fun of me. Of my eyes. “She’s sayin’ you have huge eyes man. That you look like an alien”. In a split second my love for Chandra was lost. I saw the truth. My HUGE eyes were now focused on her correctly. I saw the 5th grade old filth around her. I saw her for who she really was. An evil, venom filled, excuse for the woman of my dreams. On my walk home from school that day I cried. I cried the whole way home.
I remember seeing Chandra the next day. I didn’t do the ritualistic “Eeelliooottt” thing. I could tell she thought this was strange. After some sort of reading thing she walked over to my desk and asked me what was wrong. I remember this like it was yesterday. Before I could tell her I started crying. Like a girl. I said exactly this…”Some people have feelings too!!!” She looked confused. Ms. Eldridge came over and asked what had happened. At this point Chandra stared crying as well. I was so confused. I tried to explain to Ms. Eldridge about Chandra’s venim filled daggers she would hurl my way on a daily basis. Chandra cried some more. Ms. Eldridge asked me to stay after school. I cried some more.

After school Ms. Eldridge walked me over to Chandra’s desk. She took out Chandra’s trapper keeper and asked me to open it. Inside was what seemed to be thousands of stickers of E.T. Every folder had E.T. stuck on it. On the back cover was a picture of Chandra hugging a stuffed E.T.

The next day I started doing the “Eeelliooot” thing again. And she started to giggle again.

Eeeellliiiooottt
Los