Today Dae Seok turns 4.
Today I am Thankful for Dae Seok’s (Losiah’s) mother.
I wrote this 3 years ago last night…The eve of Losiah’s birthday…
I wonder if she was alone. Last year. Tonight. Was she alone? Right now. Tonight. Is she alone? Was she surrounded by family? Was she still debating life as a single mother in a land where they do not exist? Was her heart already broken? Was she in a hospital? Was she in lots of pain? Did someone drive her to the hospital? Did she spend much time with Dae-Seok? Did she get to feel him? Did she get to feed him? Did she change his diaper? How much did she cry? Is she crying right now? Did she want to change her mind? Did she change her mind? Does she wish she changed her mind?
These are the things running through my dome right now. As I sit here typing, Losiah is down the hall sleeping, dreaming of only God knows what. Probably about the dress his sisters put him in tonight. But me? I can only think of her. Of a mother that I will never know. Of a woman who made a decision that has forever changed the core of my existence. And hers. She will never hear the depths to which the laughter rises out of Sohaila when Losiah chases her. She will never see the care gleaming from Seanna’s eyes as she sprints across the room to catch him before he falls. She will never know the breath of life she has breathed into my family to make it complete, by making a choice to make her life incomplete.
A year ago tonight, I blogged this…”If I haven’t said it in a while. My wife is the most selfless person I know.” And that is true.
But little did I know, across thousands of miles of earth and ocean, was another selfless soul getting ready to sacrifice a bond that I will never understand…
For this soul of a calloused, hollow man.
4 Years ago today, Losiah was born…6 months before this fight…
[If you are an impatient Ragamuffin skip to 11:44 in the video to see us meet Losiah for the first time, but you’ll miss a great fight]
And today, I thank her again, for being brave enough to do what she did, so I can do what I did, and my son do what he does.
Happy Birthday kid.