seaglasses

I know lots of guy friends want that little boy first and may be a little let down when they don’t see that little pecker on the ultrasound image.
I just want to say, all will not only be fine, but you will soon be over your “I wanna play catch in the front yard” phase because…
Girls can actually throw and catch a ball as well…
Go figure.

1. The Diaper Changing Phase.
Using the 3 finger and wipe tactic, you can literally clean the nastiest poop in one swoop.
No lifting poop ridden appendages. No fear that a little pecker will spray urine in your mouth.
Just 3 cracks and 3 fingers and one wipe.
Done.

2. The Princess Phase.
This will come on as quickly as it will leave.
There is nothing quite like having tea with a princess with your best British accent and knowing that she quite literally thinks you are the King of the castle.
And the look that lands on her face when she meets Cinderella for the first time at Disneyland is a look you wont soon forget.
That is unless Cinderella just got back from a smoke break and she looks at you and says…”Daddy. Why does Cinderella smell like Grandma?”

3. The Dora Phase.
Diego, Bob the Builder, Blues Clues, or Handy Manny have nothing on Dora.
She rules. She is smarter than those boys. She taught Diego how to speak Spanish.
Soon every cup, plate, tooth brush, and billow will have her pie hole on it.
This phase normally overlaps with the princess phase but you will be clear of the diaper phase.
Oh. And just knowing that Dora won’t end up like this is reassuring.

4. The Mommy Doesn’t Do It Like That Phase.
Although this may seem like a phase you will want to skip, trust me it isn’t.
Once one of your daughters decides that she wants to be exactly like her mother you are in luck.
At this point you can devote some of the brain power you had to parenting back to sports radio or something better.
The reason is because they will know everything you don’t.
Like where the vanilla extract is.
Where mom keeps the ziplock bags.
How many vegtables and fruits must accompany the pizza slice you give them when mommy is out at her Book Club (Wine Night).
They will let you know what time to pick up the kid at preschool.
They will own you.
And although this phase comes with it’s negatives like self doubt and proof of your spouses DNA being stronger than yours…
The benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.

5. The How Do I Raise A Girl? Phase
This phase never leaves.
But it also places you on your A game.
One bad move and she could end up working at The Cheetah instead of a better animal like Buffalos Wild Wings or DogHouse Grill.
Listen.
We are dudes. We have penises and are self centered and play Xbox in our 30’s.
We know exactly what kind of man we want our daughters to end up with.
So if you are smart, you will quickly become that man.
And when you are not that man, let your little girl know so that they know we are human and are trying.
Tell them that they are beautiful on a daily basis.
Tell them in different ways not just with your words.
Paint them a picture.
Write them a love letter.
And never stop holding them.
Even when they get boobs and stuff.

They will always see themselves as your little girls and you will always be the King of the Castle.
Even when that 15 year old guy is staring at their 14 year old body.
There will always be room for you as long as you keep the pursuit of their heart above the pursuit of your heart.

So guys.
Don’t fret at the thought of panties and pretty.
They wrestle just as hard as the boys do.
And their kick to the face as you are suplexing them on the bed hurts just as good.

And the main reason why is… boys are just easier and we are already lazy enough.

It’s better that way.
Los