Dear Worship Leader…
What. Is. Up?!!!!!!!
I know it’s been a while.
4 years to be exact since I wrote you THOSE LAST FOUR LETTERS.
I decided to take a break from going to church after you made me raise my hands.
Kidding! I’m kidding. I just got tired of getting up on Sunday mornings when I could just as easily download Matt Chandler’s podcast and get what I need without all the SHAZAAAM and stuff.

So why am I writing you this letter?
Well guess what?
I’m coming back to church this Sunday.
Yup. I am heading back. But it’s not really for me. I mean I left the first time because church used to suck the living life out of me.
You guys seem to be doing better an not sucking and I have this friend.
See this friend of mine is in the same shoes I was in 4 years ago.
She hates church.
And guess what? I’m bringing her to YOUR church this Sunday.
So if you wouldn’t mind taking me up and listening to 2 thoughts that I think would make both of us a little more comfortable this Sunday.
Cool. Thanks…
1. Even though I haven’t been going to church I HAVE been following you on twitter. Man you retweet Jon Acuff a lot.  Anyways,  And I saw you tweet a link to a Passionate or Passion or Passé something last week? I clicked it.
Holy Crap.
That was the most unbelievable display of awesomeness I have ever experienced on Google Chrome.
Was that a church or something?!
Cause Lord knows that wasn’t YOUR CHURCH.
I mean who WOULDN’T get inspired after seeing something like that?
BUT, I heed you a warning… Those 60k people in the GA Dome last week, they aren’t us.
They aren’t the ones who are going to be filling your seats this Sunday.
So just don’t get worship mad at us when we don’t join on God’s Great Dance Floor with you.

If you SLOWLY TEACH us about God’s Great Dance Floor then maybe in a year or 2, me and my friend will actually even come to that Passionate thing with you. Cause it looked like a blast.
I’m thinking those people showed up with an expectation to shout unto God and well honestly, I’m showing up this Sunday with the expectation that you or the pastor won’t say anything that will destroy any chance of my friend ever coming back.

Oh. And listen to Martin Smith’s, the writer of that Dance Floor song and OG king of all worship leaders, version if you want that British worship leader vibe thingy you like to do on stage…

2. My friend, she hates singing. Like, she hates it. I’m still not quite sure that everyone in the room loves it as much as you do, but we do it for half the service none the less. When you do your little “Worship Leader Fake Out”, you know the move, when you act like you are about to sing the next line then quickly back away from the mic, damn son, I hate it when you do that. At least TELL me you are about to turn down the volume on the radio as I’m trying to sing along with it. 🙂
And when you do that, if no one is singing, it’s because we don’t know what the crap we are supposed to be singing.
YOU are the worship LEADER remember… Help a brother out.
K Thanks.

Oh, and by the way, it has been 4 years, I’m thinking the really cowboy boots and deep V’s with the rosaries are probably out of style now.
Can’t wait to see what Urban Outfitters has been dressing you in lately!

The Non Worshipping New Guy