1:40 am, 1/2 a bottle of wine, and thousands of dollars in math later…
I was exhausted.
We have more medical bills than we have money.
We can live for 7 months in a single wide with the amount I have in retirement.
The credit cards are nice and plump paying for the surgery.
My laptop decided to crash in the middle of paying those bills…for the second time that day.

Writing my upcoming book during the day and wanting to be present for my family in the evening means that I have to do this nasty stuff in the middle of the night.
But you know what?
When I shut the laptop and headed down the hallway the 9 year old was up…
Well not really up.
More like Walking Dead up.
Making moaning noises while she stumbled to the restroom.
She was in and out in under 7 seconds.
She pees faster than I.
I waited outside the restroom door for her.
“You ok baby?”
She managed a smile that looked like she had drank the other half of the 2 buck chuck.
She pressed her head against my stomach and I lifter her up.
She was still warm from her down blanket.
Her face was almost hot to the touch.
It felt like heaven pressed against my neck.
Melting her tiny frame into mine.
The pace of her breath was slow and serene.
We danced to the rhythm of silence for a few minutes.
And in that moment I found my place again.

The place that realized that the stack of bills I left on the table can’t have me.
It can’t own me.
Because she does.

I could have walked by her, gave a kiss on the head, and gone to bed with my head spinning and math computing.
But instead I fell asleep with the rhythm of her breath in mine…
It’s better that way…