I don’t worry about money.
I don’t worry about stuff.
I don’t worry about relationships.
I don’t worry about God.
I worry about sickness. Sometimes it’s an all consuming type worry. Like the sky is falling kind of worry. And I hate it.
This is not the same as my anxiety. Hear me. They are two totally and completely different things. But worry LEADS to anxiety. When I begin to worry it completely and totally overwhelms me. And I hate it.
I remember laying in bed and worrying that my parents were gonna die when I was 11.
I remember finding a lump on my arm in high school and rubbing it until it grew twice the size cause I wouldn’t stop touching and worrying about it.
I remember finding a spot on my skull that was a little lumpier than the other spots on my already lumpy skull and thinking I was done.
I remember Sohaila having a headache last night and googling brain tumors in children.
This is the way Satan takes my eyes off the goal. And the goal being Christ Jesus.
Have any of these worries resulted in anything besides anxiety? Not. One.
I have a better grip on it these days but then I find myself in moments like last night where I get all consumed with worry.
Gazing at the Ground and Glancing at God.
And when I find myself there this is what I do…
I go outside…I look up…I see the stars…I see the moon…I feel my heartbeat…I take a deep breath…And I realize that we are not an accident and that someone else is in control of absolutely every and anything that happens to us.